Wedding Lessons from a Broke-Ass Bride: "Budget" is a Buzzword

It really is.  Every article I see about "budgeting" is just useless.  I am still so excited and happy about getting married, but many planning attempts have dissolved into bouts of fear and loathing.  I have more than a year to plan but I keep having those "How are we going to pay for any of this?" moments and it's really ruining my bridal buzz.  I had to just take a few days "off" to not really think about it to make myself a little less crazy.  I don't want to ruin this awesome lovey-dovey time we have together with worry.  Somehow it will all come together.

Lesson One:  If you have plenty of time (I mean really, not just in the procrastinator's sense) and you are either worried about the financial aspect or just an anxious planner, you are allowed to step back and do nothing for a while.  People are excited to know details but that doesn't mean you have to have them.

If you can handle just browsing Pinterest Weddings and looking at bridal magazines without feeling freaked out, great.  Do it.  Try and have fun.  Hang out with someone who's supremely excited for you and let their enthusiasm remind you of your own initial thrill.  Some how, some way, you will make it work.  Cross that bridge when you come to it.  Unless it's one of those ancient, rickety plank suspension bridges with gaps...do NOT cross that bridge.

Now, let's address a real budget bride's most irksome issue.  The annoyance I refer to is with magazines, blogs, and other publications who have articles called "Thrifty Brides" or "How to Plan a Wedding on a Budget" or "Cheap Wedding Ideas."  They are almost never helpful.  There are two types of irritating in this vein.

Type 1 is the complete misunderstanding of the word inexpensive.  What a magazine calls cheap, I call terrifying.  In one article, it said something to the effect of "Amazing Weddings for Less than $10,000!"  Oh really, less than $10,000?  WOW WHAT A FRACKIN BARGAIN.  Maybe one of those brats from "My Super Sweet Sixteen" would think that a paltry sum, but I am a mere peasant.  You're looking at the girl who drove a '92 Honda Accord named Maurice through various stages of broken-downness that included, at various times having my hood bungee-corded shut (by necessity), having no heat or air, having back windows that didn't roll down, having a broken radio, not being able to change my oil for nearly a year, and countless times when the blasted old thing just wouldn't start because he hated me.  Thankfully, my future in-laws are saints.  They bought my fella a car and let me keep his "old" one (which is less than ten years old).  It's orange, so I named it Fred Jenkins III after the late, great, beloved goldfishies of my best friend.

Type 2 is the blissfully unaware lucky duck who thinks that her experiences extend to everyone.  "How I Spent Less than $1000 on My Wedding!"  These people are adorable.  "It was so easy," they say.  "For my venue, my grandmother lives in a Victorian mansion with a hundred acres.  She let me use her house and grounds for free!"  Sad for myself, I read on: "For my catering, my dad owns a restaurant and he gave me all the food for free!"  Now I hate you a little.  Hmm, her dress.  How did she get it for a good deal?  "For my dress, I called all of my animal friends together and they sewed it up while we sang a happy tune!"  AW COME ON!!!  Okay, it isn't that bad, but seriously.  SO many of these type are just not realistic for the rest of us.  I don't have rich relatives, I don't own a restaurant, and as hard as a try to teach them, I don't think my cats will ever learn to sew fabulous clothes for me.  Don't weep, it's my burden to bear.

Leave us alone, weird human.

It just makes me sad that there's so much false hope out there for people who want the dream but genuinely live paycheck to paycheck.  As far as your decor, there are some brilliant ideas out there--but what of the rest?

I am hoping to be Type 3--actually helpful--as I find awesome ideas.  For example, I will have a wedding dress story.  Both of my sisters got married last year and neither of them spent more than $200 on their dresses.  Best believe I got some helpful hints.

Since I have so long until the big event, I will plan like the tortoise--slowly but surely.  Some of it will be ranting.  We're all thinking it, I'm just putting it into words.  You're not the only broke-ass bride out there, I promise!  Take heart.