Wedding Lessons from a Broke-Ass Bride: "Budget" is a Buzzword

It really is.  Every article I see about "budgeting" is just useless.  I am still so excited and happy about getting married, but many planning attempts have dissolved into bouts of fear and loathing.  I have more than a year to plan but I keep having those "How are we going to pay for any of this?" moments and it's really ruining my bridal buzz.  I had to just take a few days "off" to not really think about it to make myself a little less crazy.  I don't want to ruin this awesome lovey-dovey time we have together with worry.  Somehow it will all come together.

Lesson One:  If you have plenty of time (I mean really, not just in the procrastinator's sense) and you are either worried about the financial aspect or just an anxious planner, you are allowed to step back and do nothing for a while.  People are excited to know details but that doesn't mean you have to have them.

If you can handle just browsing Pinterest Weddings and looking at bridal magazines without feeling freaked out, great.  Do it.  Try and have fun.  Hang out with someone who's supremely excited for you and let their enthusiasm remind you of your own initial thrill.  Some how, some way, you will make it work.  Cross that bridge when you come to it.  Unless it's one of those ancient, rickety plank suspension bridges with gaps...do NOT cross that bridge.

Now, let's address a real budget bride's most irksome issue.  The annoyance I refer to is with magazines, blogs, and other publications who have articles called "Thrifty Brides" or "How to Plan a Wedding on a Budget" or "Cheap Wedding Ideas."  They are almost never helpful.  There are two types of irritating in this vein.

Type 1 is the complete misunderstanding of the word inexpensive.  What a magazine calls cheap, I call terrifying.  In one article, it said something to the effect of "Amazing Weddings for Less than $10,000!"  Oh really, less than $10,000?  WOW WHAT A FRACKIN BARGAIN.  Maybe one of those brats from "My Super Sweet Sixteen" would think that a paltry sum, but I am a mere peasant.  You're looking at the girl who drove a '92 Honda Accord named Maurice through various stages of broken-downness that included, at various times having my hood bungee-corded shut (by necessity), having no heat or air, having back windows that didn't roll down, having a broken radio, not being able to change my oil for nearly a year, and countless times when the blasted old thing just wouldn't start because he hated me.  Thankfully, my future in-laws are saints.  They bought my fella a car and let me keep his "old" one (which is less than ten years old).  It's orange, so I named it Fred Jenkins III after the late, great, beloved goldfishies of my best friend.

Type 2 is the blissfully unaware lucky duck who thinks that her experiences extend to everyone.  "How I Spent Less than $1000 on My Wedding!"  These people are adorable.  "It was so easy," they say.  "For my venue, my grandmother lives in a Victorian mansion with a hundred acres.  She let me use her house and grounds for free!"  Sad for myself, I read on: "For my catering, my dad owns a restaurant and he gave me all the food for free!"  Now I hate you a little.  Hmm, her dress.  How did she get it for a good deal?  "For my dress, I called all of my animal friends together and they sewed it up while we sang a happy tune!"  AW COME ON!!!  Okay, it isn't that bad, but seriously.  SO many of these type are just not realistic for the rest of us.  I don't have rich relatives, I don't own a restaurant, and as hard as a try to teach them, I don't think my cats will ever learn to sew fabulous clothes for me.  Don't weep, it's my burden to bear.

Leave us alone, weird human.

It just makes me sad that there's so much false hope out there for people who want the dream but genuinely live paycheck to paycheck.  As far as your decor, there are some brilliant ideas out there--but what of the rest?

I am hoping to be Type 3--actually helpful--as I find awesome ideas.  For example, I will have a wedding dress story.  Both of my sisters got married last year and neither of them spent more than $200 on their dresses.  Best believe I got some helpful hints.

Since I have so long until the big event, I will plan like the tortoise--slowly but surely.  Some of it will be ranting.  We're all thinking it, I'm just putting it into words.  You're not the only broke-ass bride out there, I promise!  Take heart.

Wedding Lessons from a Broke-Ass Bride: The Saga Begins

Anyone who has ever read my blog knows that I haven't written anything in a while.  It isn't the absence of things to say, projects to discuss, nor the lack of will.  I've been working hard and doing every possible extra project at the office to see if I can't persevere further in grownup careerdom. It is rewarding, but somewhat mentally exhausting--and makes me less inclined to think on topics. Then this happened:

Ignore the chubby, weird-shaped fingers.

And I find myself having trouble shutting up about my ideas, plans, and overall enthusiasm.  I don't want to be Bridezilla.  I don't want to be that girl that's giving way more information than anyone cares to have.  I don't want to drive my family and friends crazy.  Something must be done!  I might still drive everyone crazy, but I think blogging is a good way to get some of the rambling out of my system.

The first thoughts that I had when Tom proposed were somewhere between "AHHHHH!!!!" and "YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!" and that night was glorious.  The next day was still a lot of YAY and then suddenly...oh dear lord how are we ever going to pay for a wedding?  We pretty much live paycheck to paycheck as it is.  I spent a couple of hours wallowing in worry and then, think it's cheesy if you want, but the thing that calmed me was a song that came to mind that I haven't heard since like...the nineties.  It says "God will make a way, when there seems to be no way."  And then the happy came back.  I have a lot of awesome ideas.  The decor will be so cheap.  How I shall find the affordable ideal venue or catering is still a mystery, but it's a journey.  I hope that in the end I will have put forward some useful information and ideas for other broke-ass brides like me who don't want to sacrifice their dreams of a magical, whimsical, impressive, amazingly fun day with friends and family.

I just hope I can be as classy as these folks.

I tried to have a healthy start by not announcing our engagement in an annoying way.  This article was extremely helpful in that regard (sorry if you did one of those...). haha.  I wanted to be different.  So I posted a picture of the ring on the table with the candlelit dinner and said "Great Odin's Raven!  Is that..." and followed it up with that picture of the ring on the chubby fingers, as I'm sure you'll remember.  Caption: "By the beard of Zeus!  That sassy lady is ENGAGED!"  I find that you really can't go wrong when you're using Ron Burgundy's exclamatory interjections.  My next choice would've been saying "I said no!  And kept the ring."  That one seemed a little too...irreverent?


Three ways I've cut costs to start saving for the wedding:

1.  Canceling my gym membership and continuing to work out at home, using things like the Bikini Body Mommy Challenge (even though I'm not a mommy).

2.  Canceling my NatureBox subscription (for $20 a month they send you a box of healthy snacks) and just sticking to homemade goodies.

3.  Cutting back on our booze budget.  We aren't lushes or anything, but we do like our wine.  And we like having liquor for special occasions...like nightcaps or Tuesdays.  We might spending $60 every month and a half, but I'm going to cut that way back.  Incidentally, it should help with my weight loss as well.

Three things I've learned so far:

1.  Bridal shows are both fun and practical.  You never know what kind of deals you'll find.  One girl won a $600 wedding dress today.  Maybe at the next one it'll be me!  Also, you're going to want to shove a million samples into your mouth when you get there.  Pace yourself.  There's a giant room full of cakes, cupcakes, petit fours, hors d`oeuvres, mousses, trifles, and maybe even alcohol.  Don't put yourself into a sugar coma.  Today I discovered that it is also an excellent way to inspire you and help focus on the fun and exciting parts about starting your planning.  And they let you do this:

Yeah, I'm the weird one in my family.

2.  A lot more people are happy to see me happy than I knew, and that's nice.

3.  At the end of the day, it's okay to be a little cheesy.  I love my fella, he loves me, and we are on our way to officially belonging to one another and living happily ever after.