The Great Dough Fiasco

Life is full of little disappointments--a recipe not working out, a misleading Pinterest pin--okay. I'm obviously not speaking in generalities. I've got two great disasters and maybe two useful tips to share. So, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my "weekend." I was so looking forward to trying out a few things on my Tuesaturday. The day began like any other day: with some laziness and some grand schemes. Well. Grand enough for a day spent in sweatpants, anyway.

We've all always been told about how not wearing sunscreen and using tanning beds can cause cancer. We've all seen those old ladies who look like orangey leather purses because their skin is all sunned out. Well, apparently, spray tans are bad for you too. So I thought I'd try out a DIY self-tanning method I found on Pinterest a while back.

Pictured above: The end to your tanning woes?

They say supermodels use this trick to keep their skin from being too pasty. I don't know if I believe it. Basically, take 4 teabags and some boiling water. Brew yourself some tea. Put it in a spray bottle. Spray it all over your body and rub it in. Make sure you're all showered up and clean first, obviously. I felt a little silly doing it, but it was fairly easy. Also, my sister said "I want to know, so do it and blog about it!" Even if she is family, it was nice to think of myself as some sort of DIY beauty guru that people listen to about things. It makes me feel fancy. To be honest, it only made my skin maybe a shade darker. I suppose I could have done a few more rounds. I bet that would have helped. But, alas, I was not feelin' it. I'm giving this treatment a C+. But that factors in my minimal effort to make it work.

I think the key to it might have been the second step: mixing a small amount of cocoa powder with lotion. I definitely added WAY too much. It ended up looking like chocolate pudding.

Don't do it, Bill! It'll tan your insides!

As I tried to rub it into my skin, stray powder clumps I thought I had mixed in began to create streaks. Again my laziness took over. I simply jumped in the shower to rinse off the mixture rather than perfect it. I was afraid I'd end up with legs that looked like chocolate candy canes. Nobody likes that. So, maybe I'll give it another shot one day. You should definitely check it out. When it wasn't streaking, I could tell it would [probably] work. Hey now, I'm no expert. I'm just a girl, like you all, trying to make it in this crazy world.

The only truly successful project of the day the fantastic homemade bronzer I now have in my makeup bag. I use bronzer every day. It can get expensive. It can also get annoying because they put it in packaging that tends to fall apart, scattering powder everywhere and ruining your adorbs little makeup bag. I now know I can make my own whenever I darn well please. It's also customizable. Let me explain. You only need 3 things:

2 T Cinnamon
3 tsp Corn Starch
1 Small Jar

Whisk the cinnamon and corn starch in a small bowl until all lumps are gone. If you want a darker shade, add more cinnamon (or even a pinch of cocoa powder if you like!). Pour into your jar. Voila. Homemade bronzer in like a minute. Glorious. Now, I will say that a few blogs said some people may have skin reactions with the cinnamon--I have not, and another "sensitive skin" blogger said she always uses it and has had no issues. I'm a carnivore, but for you vegetarians out there who worry extra about our furry little animal friends...

Awww.

You can always guarantee that homemade makeup is cruelty-free. Unless you're cruel. Then, I guess it's not. I kind of don't think this guy's homemade stuff is cruelty-free:

It definitely doesn't have that same sun-kissed effect, either.

Now for my true shenanigans. So, I found this pin on Pinterest. "Easiest Homemade Pizza Dough Ever!" they said. Only two ingredients! They said. Well. I'm here to tell you that they lied. You actually need THREE ingredients:

1 cup Greek Yogurt
1 cup Self-Rising Flour
2 cups KNOWLEDGE OF HOW THE HELL TO MAKE PIZZA DOUGH!

Yeah, they mixing was not so hard. Then came that part where it's supposed to be in a neat little ball where you can gently roll it out into a pizza shape. Instead, I ended up with dough stuck all over my hands and all over the board and all over the rolling pin. I put flour on everything. I don't understand. It was a big, sad mess. I asked Tom to try and come help. He said, "You know, you don't have to make it from scratch." So I pouted. A lot. And then realized he was right. I am apparently incapable of making pizza dough and that is something I've just got to learn to live with. Thankfully, we have a local pizza place nearby where he went and got fresh dough for only $2. Smart man, he is.

However, we even still had a bit of trouble with that--stretching it out and what-not. I have the highest respect now for pizza-makers. It's pure artistry.

This guy knows. That's why he's making that 'what, like it's hard?' face. Because it's HARD and he's obviously a badass.

So yeah, we ended up with some pretty ugly (yet delicious) calzones thanks to Tom's excellent sculpting skills. So what if his looked like a pepperoni-filled diaper? So what if mine looked like a puffy burrito? They were still excellent. All thanks to him. The moral of the story is: Be with somebody who's good at mopping up your mistakes. haha.

I recommend a couple of things. One, pair your pizza/calzones with this wine:

Perfect matchup.

And two, pair the meal with this movie:

Don't judge.

If you DO NOT have a Southern family and therefore cannot fully appreciate this movie, pair it with a nice thriller instead:

One of my faves.

Everyone loves Denzel. If he can't please your movie tastes, no one can. Also, be prepared to forever shudder when you hear The Rolling Stones' song "Time is on My Side." Just be prepared.

The Science of Pink

The thing is, I don't think there really is a science to pink. I think there's a witchcraft to it, though. I've never be huge on the hue, and yet I find it infiltrating my life. Pink makeup bag, pink tennis shoes, pink overnight bag, pink stilettos, pink blog template. Pink isn't just a color, though. It really has a character all its own. It draws people into girl-world. That is what it has done to me. Things I once made fun of, I know embrace--things like mani-pedis, skin treatments, overpriced Victoria's Secret sweatpants...the list goes on. I find myself saying things like "Tiffany blue." I have never given one second thought to Tiffany's. I still don't care about jewelry...and I'm hoping that attitude will last forever. But the color...I dig it. I wanted it on my nails today, but had to settle for a color called "Cinderella."

It would be delicate on anyone without such fat little chef-injured hands.

The thing I'm getting at is that if you let pink into your life--the attitude of pink, if you will, it can begin to take you over. I have no problem with being a girly girl. But I don't want to become a material girl. That's fo sheezy. I still buy everything on sale and think many luxuries are preposterous. But I've let this pinkness into my life and now...I'm just such a girl. Yikes.

On that note, I've got some products to recommend. They've really helped my beauty routine. Things have been hectic and I have felt tired and lazy, so I haven't made any awesome homemade treatments lately. There will be more coming. However, I have really begun taking better care of my skin. Using body scrub and body butter on a regular basis has helped massively decrease the amount of cottage-cheesiness on my body.

Appetizing...except when it forms the shape of your thighs.

I'll begin by saying that I am a huge fan of The Body Shop. It began, for me, with the company's partnership with multiple organizations that fight human trafficking. This cause is one close to my heart. A couple of years ago, the store started a petition to bring forth the issue in front of world leaders. Not only do they fight for justice in that manner, but they also use fair-traded products that are made from natural sources. Win. What gives them the triple whammy is their excellent customer rewards program. You earn points through your card as well as getting 10% off each purchase. They have great deals all the time. In any case, they carry two products that I just love:

Sweet Lemon Body Scrub

On sale now for $10 (usually $20)!

What it smells like:

Buttery, sugary, lemony heaven.

What it does: Makes ya skin feel like BUTTAH. It's great for exfoliating, softening, and even helps your legs stay smoother longer after shaving. At least, that has seemed to be the case with me. It's one of those things that make my showers feel very spa-like. It's easy to forget that we've got tons of dead skin cells on us at any given time. Exfoliation helps clear away that pointless epidermal debris so your skin can be soft and have that excellent glow we're all looking for.

Next, up: Strawberry Body Butter

What it smells like: 

(That's Strawberry Shortcake for you uneducated ones out there)

What it does: Few of us realize how dry our skin is. When you see someone not aging well skin-wise (i.e. with papery, wrinkly, or leathery texture), it's usually because they didn't make a daily habit of moisturizing. It's extremely important to keep your skin hydrated. Not only does well-hydrated skin reduce the appearance of cellulite (therefore appearing firmer and somehow more toned), it feels glorious and will stay in better condition over time than dry, parched, "ashy" skin. This body butter is perfect for a rich slathering of moisture. It's a fantastic follow-up to a potentially skin-dehydrating act like swimming or bathing.

I have one more product to recommend. This one I just randomly bought on a whim whilst picking up some underoos. It's a Victoria's Secret in-store product--one of those little items placed near the register. It's called Brightening Cream. It's got caffeine in it and a delightful hint of fragrance. You use it to perk up a tired looking face. It also seems to function as a primer. It's only like $12 and I just love it. I don't know why I haven't heard of it. I can't even find a picture or anything online. But it is fantastic.

In other news, made an awesome recipe. It's easy-peasy and cooks in a crock pot. Tom said it was the best thing I've made for him yet (although I have heard that many times. haha)

All you need:

Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts

Small Jar of Basil Pesto

Garlic Powder

Black Pepper

One Yellow Onion, Diced

Chicken Broth

1/2 Packet Ranch Dressing Mix

Box of Penne Pasta

Grated Parmesan

Chicken in the bottom. Pesto slathered over. Broth poured in. Spices added. Onion added. Cook on high. Boil pasta. Place across top of crockpot. Cover in parmesan. Continue to let cook for about 5-6 hours. EAT IT. Brag. The end.

Pictured above: NOT my hand.

And...you're welcome. Pair it with Legally Blonde and embrace your pink side.

5 Things You Need to Know About Insurance

As many of you know, I am now a licensed insurance agent. I love that every day I get to help meet people's needs. I love the competitive and rewarding environment. One part I don't like, however, is how I have to deliver bad news to uneducated clients. When I say uneducated, I'm not talking down about them--that is what they are. That is what most of you probably are, and that is what I was before I went through licensing training and practical sales experience. I talk to person after person who have completely screwed themselves over and continue to do so. They always ask: "Why is my insurance so high?" or "Why won't the company I want take me?" Well, I'm going to tell you a few things you may or may not know. If you do, congratulations. If you don't, you may have an icky financial future. Yes, icky.

1) "No Prior Insurance" is the rating killer you'll be slapped with if you let your coverage lapse even a few hours. If you've got no prior, you're looking at rates sometimes a hundred dollars higher than you're accustomed to paying. This isn't just with top-rated companies like the ones that I work with, it's everywhere. 

How to avoid this: I don't care how down-in-the-dumps you are. If you have to let some monthly payment slide, I understand. I've been there. But do NOT let it be your insurance. You'll be costing yourself way more money than you could ever save.

Also, if your insurance expires on March 25, your new policy needs to be in effect ON March 25, not March 26. The expiration is effective at 12:01 AM on the day and waiting to find new insurance until that day or even the next puts you in a lapse. The best companies, like the Hartford, Safeco, or Metlife, will not even accept you. And companies like them often offer you the best prices as well as protection.

2) The liability side of your insurance covers the damage you do to OTHER people. I can't tell you how many people say to me "I only need minimums. It's an old car." Makes me face palm every time. I don't care how old your car is; neither does the person you hit. If you're in an accident and someone is injured or their car is damaged, those 25,000/50,000/15,000 coverages aren't going to cover it...and that's just in Tennessee. There are some states That require only 10,000/20,000/5,000. Now, what do those numbers mean, anyway? The first number is the limit of how much any one person can receive. The second is the limit of money that will be paid out for injuries per accident. The last is the limit for property damage (such as a vehicle being destroyed)...now that you understand these things, I'll take you to my next point...

3) State minimums are for morons. If you're driving around with the bare minimum in liability, you are endangering all of your assets. Taken from a legal website, here's an idea of how much the AVERAGE accident ends up costing a person--not catastrophic accidents, just run-of-the-mill ones. Here they are:

Average comprehensive cost of motor vehicle crashes per injured person:

• Comprehensive cost of a death: $4,100,000
• Comprehensive cost of an incapacitating injury: $208,500
• Comprehensive cost of a non-incapacitating evident injury: $53,200
• Comprehensive cost of a possible injury: $25,300
• Comprehensive cost of no injury: $2,300

Yeah, imagine injuring a person. Along with the stress of the damage to your own vehicle or your own body, you are now liable for tens of thousands of dollars that, guess what? your insurance company is absolutely not going to pay. You dig your own grave when you don't have sufficient coverage. People always say "I'm a good driver, nothing will happen." Well, if they were on purpose, they would be called appointments, not accidents. Stop thinking you're invisible and get good coverage. Again, here's a good segway to my next point:

4) Having double or even triple the coverage usually only costs about $5-$15 extra monthly. I talk to people every day who have purchased expensive, brand new vehicles. Hell, they're probably calling on a smart phone with a pricey data plan. But they say things about insurance like "the cheapest is the best." I'm sorry, what? If the cheapest were the best, you would be driving a jalopy. Know where to spend your money. Having flashy things is just ridiculous if you're too stupid to protect your stuff. Insurance is what insures that you won't lose your Mercedes, iPhone, brand new Nikes. Get your shallow self some education and protect your future.

5) Not a homeowner? Renters insurance is the best-kept secret on the market. It usually only costs about $15 a month to protect yourself and all of your stuff. Did you know that even "full coverage" auto insurance doesn't pay out items are stolen from your vehicle? What would you do if everything you had was stolen? What would you do if your place burned down? Your landlord isn't liable for anything. Neither are your neighbors--even if they cause the fire. Renters covers all of that. It even covers you for liability outside of your vehicle. f you accidentally bump into an old lady at the supermarket. She falls over, breaks her hip, and sues you. With renters, you're covered. Seriously. You need it. Don't make the mistake of thinking nothing will ever happen to you. Because if it does, you'll be in a pickle.

I know that's rough stuff to stomach. So, here's a yummy Goulash recipe to help settle your tummy and make your heart glad...

2 medium yellow onions

1 package whole wheat elbow macaroni

1 large can crushed tomatoes

2 lbs. ground beef (preferably lean)

3 garlic cloves

Various spices

Chop the onions, press the garlic (with a garlic press, duh) and cook them with the beef in a large pan until browned. Boil the pasta, drain, and place in pan with meat. Add crushed tomatoes. Stir and season to taste. I used Season All, salt, pepper, crushed red pepper, and a bit of sage. Delicious, hearty, and full of lycopene.

And so easy to make!

I recommend pairing it with an episode of one of my favorite TV shows, Once Upon a Time. If you're not caught up, you should find a way to watch it from the beginning. Heartwarming story, really. Especially if you're into fairytales. Nice twist on a few of those.

Give your inner child a hey-day.

The "Off" Times

As you may have noticed, I took a week "off"--from writing this blog, anyway. I find myself knee-deep in time-consuming activities. With two weddings on the docket for this year (neither of them mine, I assure you), I've had my weekends committed to dress-shopping with the respective brides, one of them being my younger sister, Emily. Despite my rousing speeches for money-saving options like thrift stores, we began in wedding boutiques. Not that you'll never find anything in these places, but I really don't recommend starting there. For one, if you're having a wedding in a short amount of time (like my sister, courtesy of her fiance's Air Force career), they likely won't be able to get your dress in time. They've got to order everything...which I find annoying. And you get no discount for buying off the rack in some places. Next, there's the pressure. I have watched way too many episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress" and consequently feel terrible about wasting a consultant's time if I'm not going to buy.

Yes, I do like this dress...but I think I'd like to try on some I know I won't like just to make sure. Shouldn't take more than three hours. 

Yeah...so anyway, after three straight weekends and a dress order cancellation, we finally found a winner (for one bride, anyway). It is absolutely gorgeous, fits her perfectly, and is more unique than anything we've seen. She looks a bit like Belle from Beauty and the Beast in it. In any case, rather than the $800 somewhat impersonal ball gown we cancelled for her, we found this fantastic one for only $168. It's the same style, but better. And it's never been worn. We went to this awesome consignment shop called Wear Else on Northshore Drive in Knoxville. They get 'new' wedding gowns from bridal shops that can't/won't sell last year's merchandise and discount the crap out of them. So awesome!

So hopefully that's kind of over, but not. What I'm saying is, I haven't been idle. I don't have time for idleness. I have been kicking some booty at work, though. I will be posting my mini-dissertation on insurance soon enough. You'd be amazed at how many things people don't know that they REALLY REALLY need to know. You may even be one of those people. I know I was prior to my licensing training. There just really aren't a lot of insurance agents with integrity who will explain your coverages.

In any case, I have made some awesome recipes lately--like the Cilantro Lime Chicken Enchiladas with Avocado Cream Sauce that I found on Pinterest. As per usual, I added a little somethin-somethin. I would've added more somethin-somethins if I had been thinking straight. The recipe is delicious, but there are some important things to remember: Don't eat it straight out of the oven. At that point, the sauce hasn't really developed and is sort of bland. If I make it again, I will also add tomatoes to the vegetable mixture. I think that was the missing ingredient. I drizzled a bit of Catalina dressing on top of them when they came out of the oven as well.

Tips for making it healthier (which yes, I did use): Use greek yogurt instead of sour cream in the sauce. Use lowfat cheese. Use whole wheat tortillas (I like a brand that also uses flax seed for extra fiber). It really is already fairly healthy--it's got veggies, a lean protein source, and healthy fats in the avocado. Definitely worth making.

Glorious.

I served it with Homemade Refried Beans. I used black beans instead of pinto, because they're healthier (as evidenced by this chart.) They were so delicious. No chemicals, no preservatives, no gross can-shaped slimy mold. I will definitely be making homemade refried beans from here on out. And easy as pie because they're made in the crockpot. Who came up with that saying, anyway? Pie really isn't that easy. Have you ever tried to bake a decent pie?

Isn't that what White Snake was singing about?

So anyway, you could always pair the enchiladas with the other awesome recipe I made: Cumin Lime Chickpeas. With all of the ingredients I added, it ended up being more of a salad. In addition to what the recipe called for, I chopped up two tomatoes and an avocado. I then added a bit of Catalina dressing and tossed it. It was definitely good.

Light, summery goodness.

I actually served these with veggie burgers. I am a carnivore and definitely bought the Light Side burgers by accident. They were frozen and I had a coupon and the "meatless" text was very small. That said, I had never eaten a veggie burger and was surprised how good they tasted. These weren't packed with sodium or chemicals like most veggie burgers are, either. However, when you're wanting a big, juicy, medium rare burger--they just don't cut it. Still, always up for trying new things! I may even get them again some time.

Okay, since the recipes I posted this time have a bit of a Southwestern flair, I recommend watching Nacho Libre. It's clean, it's funny, and it's bizarre. Seriously. Give it a shot.

Also, this is different, but give Proverbs 31 a little read. It's the kind of woman I want to be...except adding in some sass and some kicking ass. Just do it! And in case you were wondering...

Life-Changing Lasagna Rollups and Other Glorious Things.

Okay, so the next official thing on my original list was Crockpot Spaghetti and Meatballs. It was a good recipe. Here's a tip, though. If you're thinking of making it a freeze-ahead meal, don't. It was stuck in this huge chunk that had to be meticulously broken up. And of course, I sliced a huge chunk out of my finger. I'm just so used to old, blunt knives. Our sharp new Farberware ones are really dangerous to a hack and slasher like me.

I feel like I probably looked like this when I was done breaking that thing up.

In any case, I'm not going to feature that spaghetti because it was just your run-of-the-mill spaghetti and meatballs. Today was another snow day--well, rather, it was an ice day. No way I was venturing out into that stuff. Especially since I was feeling pretty under the weather last night/early this morning. However, by the time I got out of bed at the glorious hour of 10am, I was ready for a productive day. When I get an unexpected day off, I love to use it for projects. I started off with a metabolism-boosting, energy-providing, antioxidant-giving, free-radical-fighting drink of my own invention. It's simple. Hot green tea, honey, lemon, and cinnamon. If you have any low blood sugar problems, however, I urge you to eat directly afterward or you will feel ultra-nauseous. It tastes really good, but I think because it gets your body going, you need fuel (preferably protein).

I opted to design a delectable smoothie:

• 1 cup oats
• 1 whole banana
• 5 strawberries
• 1 stalk celery
• 3 T almond butter
• 1 cup greek yogurt
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1 tsp honey

So good and so nutritious!

Afterward, I made and utilized the hair mask and tooth whitener I posted about last Friday, using fresh lemon juice this time (worked much better). Then, I showered, using the leftover Like Buttah Body Scrub. My skin was wonderfully soft and I made myself nice and pretty, just for funsies.

Next, I made an awesomely healthy dessert. I was worried it might taste weird, but I was wrong. These Zucchini Brownies are fantasmic! Not as chocolatey as regular brownies (I may add semi-sweet chocolate chips next time to make them perfect), but so excellent.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 2 small or medium bananas, mashed
• 1 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• 1 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 cups finely shredded zucchini (you'll probably need 2 large zucchini)
• 2 cups all purpose flour (I used whole wheat flour! You can probably also use gluten free, but check out a proper conversion chart beforehand.)
• 1/2 cup walnut pieces (I hate brownies with nuts, so I skipped these)

Directions: 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease (or spray) and flour a 9x13" baking pan. In a large bowl, mix together the applesauce, mashed bananas, and sugar. Add vanilla and cocoa and mix together. Then add baking soda, salt, and zucchini and mix together. Add flour and walnuts [or sub chocolate chips] and mix together. Spread evenly into the pan. Bake for 25-30 minutes until the brownies spring back when gently touched. Makes 24 servings.

I topped them with a light dusting of powdered sugar, as well. Now, they will be VERY moist and fudgy. I promise they're completely cooked at the 25-30 minute mark. That's the texture you want because they're delectable. Even my picky Tom liked them.

Tastes like this...

With benefits like this!

After the brownies were made (and the dish washed for the second time that day, seeing as we only have one casserole dish), I unclogged the kitchen sink using 1 cup salt and 1/2 cup baking soda mixed together. You pour it in the drain directly followed by a kettle of boiling water. Way cheaper than Drano, folks! 

I did a lot today. At one point, while talking to my big sister, I told her everything I had accomplished on my "day off." She said, "See, you should definitely have kids. You'd be an awesome mom!" It's funny if you know me, because I've always spurned the idea of reproducing. haha. But perhaps my mind is changing on the matter.

Finally, I get to the good part: our delicious dinner. The picture below does not look like the one you'll find in the link. But I assure you, you should make them this way. They were good when I went light on the sauce and only had cheese inside the rolls, but I rebaked them on 300F with a ton of extra sauce and cheese on top and it made them way, way better. They're still healthy. I used whole wheat noodles, low fat ricatta, and skim mozzarella. I also added ground chicken (because we are carnivores in this house). It is super vital that you make your own marinara sauce for it, as it makes you feel like Rachel Ray (only less annoying), and it tastes way better than store-bought sauce. It's also WAY healthier and cheaper. Do it. Just do it.

Delectable and fancy.

Now, today's dinner and a movie pairing is another horror film (What can I say? Cold weather is optimum horror movie time!). This time, it's the American version of Ju-On: or, as you all know it...

Sidenote: It IS more terrifying than The Ring, which was the first true horror movie I ever saw. I saw it at my chorus teacher's house. There were nine of us girls sitting on a pull-out couch bed. At an intensely climactic part, the couch cracked loudly and collapsed, sending us all into shrieking mode. One of the funniest things ever. Directly after the movie, another girl and I went into the guest room...where, right across from the door, sat a rustic wooden chair. If you've seen The Ring, you know why that was the worst possible thing for us to see. haha.

Anywho, signing off. Remember, productivity feels much better than lazing around like a big lame fatty-pants. Unless you're having one of these days:

It's perfectly okay to feel this way once in a while.

Chicken Soup and Ju-On

Hello friends. The next recipe is Crockpot Chicken Vegetable Soup (for which I received many compliments). It can be a freeze-ahead meal! But before we get to that, I'm going to talk to you about investment portfolios. I'm new to the financial realm, but I'm really beginning to think about preparing for the future--and so should you. I'm not looking to form an upscale gambling problem on Wall Street, but I would like to have money to retire comfortably one day. I don't want to be working when I'm 75 (unless I magically fall into a job I love and am still nice and spry).

Or if I happen to be leading the Hell's Angels.

I already established a 401k. It's more stable and has less risks than an IRA, so that's what I went with. Yesterday, however, I started looking at investment strategies. I'm not looking for a quick million (though that would be nice). I don't like the idea of risking and losing everything. Thankfully, I came across a very helpful article about so-called "Lazy Portfolios." A lazy portfolio involves investing in anywhere from three to eleven low-cost, no-load index funds that will continue to succeed in a "bull and bear market (a term for the ups and downs of optimism and pessimism regarding the market and the resulting trends)." You don't trade at all. You don't hire a broker. You don't watch the funds like a hawk while biting your nails. Apparently, some of America's most wealthy people follow principles like "Buy quality and never sell" (Warren Buffett). 

I'm willing to listen to this guy. He is at the very least obviously very knowledgeable about milkshakes.

This method absolutely appeals to me. I'm going to begin my research. Of course, I've just now had my first paycheck where my immediate bills didn't completely outweigh the amount of pay received. I won't have a lot of money leftover, but I will have some (for the first time in months). My finances are finally starting to catch up. Once I get all of my debts paid off and buy a few things I need (car repairs, new athletic shoes), I plan on living solely on my hourly pay and putting all of my bonuses (commission) into savings. Once I've saved up a couple thousand dollars, I'm going to start my investing. I'm not going to put an excessive amount in, as I am planning to buy a car by the end of the year. Mine is a bit of a death trap.

At least it's safer than this useless thing.

So, back to lazy portfolios. They say you can easily be a millionaire by the time you retire if you invest intelligently and follow some simple rules. Check out the sample portfolios here. Don't forget to also read the handy dandy how-to. I know what I'll be doing later this year.

Now, the Crockpot Chicken Vegetable Soup Recipe:

"Ingredients

• 2 medium skinless boneless chicken breasts cut into 1 inch cubes
• 4 -14 oz cans chicken broth
• 1 pound frozen white corn
• 1 medium onion diced
• 4 cloves garlic minced
• 2 carrots pealed and diced
• 2 celery stalks chopped
• 1 1/2 tsp chicken soup base or 2 bouillon cubes
• 1 t oregano
• 1/2 t thyme
• 1/2 t pepper
• salt to taste

Instructions

1) Chop 2 pealed carrots, 2 stalks celery and one medium onion.2) Trim and cut 2 medium skinless boneless chicken breast into 1 inch cubes.3) Add veggies, 4 cloves minced garlic, 4 - 14 oz cans chicken broth, 1 1/2 tsp of chicken soup base or 2 bouillon cubes, 1 t oregano, 1/ 2 tsp each of thyme and pepper. Salt to taste. 16 oz package of frozen white corn. Add chicken and mix well.4) Cook for 8 hrs on low.

Details

Prep time: 15 minsCook time: 8 hourTotal time: 8 hour 15 minsYield: 8 serving"

I added about 1/2 cup barbecue sauce because it tasted a little bland when I got home from work (I had let it cook on LOW all day). This addition gave the soup a nice smoky, rounded-out taste. I didn't do so, but I suggest using more chicken. It may not be as "healthy," to have more meat, but it adds more substance and I highly recommend it. The taste of the soup is excellent, however. The fellas were positively raving about it. I paired it with leftover Cheddar Bay Biscuits from our date night at Red Lobster.

Now, DON'T buy cans of chicken broth. It's way more cost effective to get the cartons (I think they're 30 oz. each). And it helps with the freeze-ahead...

**MY freeze-ahead method: Only use one of the chicken broth cartons in the freezer mixture. It'll all fit in a gallon Ziploc bag. Freeze it all. When you go to unfreeze, pour the bag in the crockpot. It should come out fairly easily, but I cut the side of the bag to get it out more quickly. Then, pour the remaining carton of chicken broth over the mixture. It'll aid in the defrost.

The night we had this soup, the conditions were perfect. It was freezing cold and we were practically snowed in. I sat down with the fellas, a snuggly blanket, and a bowl of this soul-warming soup. What better to combine with coziness and comfort food than pure terror? We turned off all the lights and watched a Japanese horror movie (which, for the record, can be MUCH scarier than American ones and in my experience have zero scenes of pointless, gratuitous nudity). Say bye-bye to bleach blonde, silicone-infested idiots. Say hello to fear.

The Grudge...the original. The terrifying. The culturally educational.

I do believe I've begun a new tradition. Every meal recipe will be paired with a movie suggestion to match. YES.

Back on Track

I'm just not going to keep a real-time blog with the recipes. haha. Don't forget, if you're following the original plan (or trying), all of the recipes in it are listed at my Pinterest food board. That said, I will be including my favorite recipe so far: Chicken Parmesan Meatloaf! I have had a surplus of leftovers, even while bringing my lunch to work. So I actually was able to skip a cooking day Saturday, which was nice. Given, we did make additional food (grilled cheese sandwiches to go with a soup on the meal plan), but I thought we'd eat away at the leftovers before making more meals.

I will say that using my entire food budget for the groceries on this meal plan has definitely helped me feel and look better. When you've got real food on hand, you're a lot less likely to overeat or run out for fast food "snacks" five times a day. I'm still in the phase of my new job where your income hasn't caught up with your bills (most companies delay your first check), so I literally have no money left for unnecessary food. I've lost some weight and had more energy. Plus, I feel like an actual adult and get to brag about my chef skills--another win. On the not-so-bright side, I have carved a couple of chunks out of my fingers. haha. See, I'm used to cooking with old, cheap knives. Lately I've been using new, very sharp ones--and I'm accident-prone. My hands look a little rough.

It's only slightly less terrible than this.

Since I didn't have to make dinner on Saturday, I made [what were supposed to be] oatmeal cookies. Now, I'm a great cook. Admittedly, however, I am quite the mediocre baker. You can't toss in random ingredients without disturbing the delicate chemistry, but I always feel like a robot when I don't throw in something of my own. Sometimes, it works out wonderfully. Others, it turns into something completely different than what I set out to do. In this case, the "cookies" turned into more of a teacake/muffin top sort of consistency; they were way more bread-like than dense. I did substitute applesauce for one of the eggs. And yeah, I didn't measure that amount of applesauce. They're still delicious, but next time I think I will just go get eggs instead of trying to improvise with what I have. haha. You can find the recipe I used here. I also added blueberry-flavored Craisins. I think that adds to the muffin top feel flavor-wise, but I assure you they will not ruin the chemistry. If I could have foretold the texture, I would've turned it into a cake and made a cinnamon cream cheese icing! However, I am not clairvoyant. Alas.

Before I get to the CPM recipe (mmm), I'm going to do my spiel on green tea. I've been trying to drink between 1-3 cups of it a day (and lately have been slicing lemon to put in it to increase the diuretic/nutritional effect). But why? Well, did you know it fights bad breath? Or that, if you don't enjoy the flavor, its neutral flavor blends well with other flavors of tea (including herbal, black, white, and red teas)? Here are some other reasons to drink it:

I only started drinking it for the fat-burning bit--then I found out all of these other great things. For those of you who don't care about your health, but care about being skinny (which, I'm sorry, is really stupid), I lost weight before I started my meal plan because I was drinking a ton of green tea. I was eating terribly, not exercising, and still managed to shed a few pounds. I attribute it to green tea. I try to tell everyone about it, but they really don't listen. Don't do some stupid diet. Eat healthy foods, reduce processed junk, and drink green tea (in addition to plenty of water).

Okay, Chicken Parmesan Meatloaf (it'll change your life):

Chicken Parmesan Meatloaf
original Joelen recipe

1 lb ground chicken (ground turkey can be substituted)

1 egg

1/4 cup breadcrumbs

1/2 teaspoon dried basil

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

1-2 cloves garlic, finely minced

1 small onion, grated

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

1/2 cup pasta sauce (homemade or store bought)

1/2 cup shredded Italian cheese blend

minced parsley for garnish


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a loaf pan with cooking spray, set aside.

In a large bowl, combine the ground chicken, egg, breadcrumbs, thyme, oregano, basil, garlic, onion, salt, pepper and Parmesan cheese. To not over handle the mixture otherwise it will get tough. Place the mixture in the greased loaf pan and form into a loaf. Top the meatloaf with pasta sauce.

Place filled loaf pan on a baking sheet and bake in the preheated oven for 40-45 minutes. Remove the meatloaf from the oven and sprinkle the top with the remaining shredded cheese. Place the meatloaf back in the oven and bake until the cheese is melted.

Remove the meatloaf from the oven and allow to rest for 5-10 minutes before serving/slicing. Garnish with parsley if desired.

* To make ahead/freezer meal - Prepare the meatloaf mixture as directed and place in a disposable loaf pan. Cover and freeze.** When ready to prepare and serve, defrost the meatloaf completely and preheat oven to 350 degrees. Top with pasta sauce and place filled loaf pan on a baking sheet.  Bake in the preheated oven for 40-45 minutes. Remove the meatloaf from the oven and sprinkle the top with the remaining shredded cheese. Place the meatloaf back in the oven and bake until the cheese is melted. Remove the meatloaf from the oven and allow to rest for 5-10 minutes before serving/slicing. Garnish with parsley if desired. 

** Alternately, you can top the meatloaf with pasta sauce before freezing and then bake from frozen, uncovered for 55-60 minutes on a baking sheet. Remove the meatloaf from the oven and sprinkle the top with the remaining shredded cheese. Place the meatloaf back in the oven and bake until the cheese is melted. Remove the meatloaf from the oven and allow to rest for 5-10 minutes before serving/slicing. Garnish with parsley if desired.

So freakin' good.

I did the second freeze-ahead option and it was so easy. I served it with asparagus pan-cooked in olive oil with salt, pepper, a dash of garlic, and grated parmesan cheese. I also used skim mozzarella, so this meal was nice and healthy. Plus, think: easy-peasy Chicken Parm sandwiches with the leftovers! A couple of days later, I made a nice weekend lunch by heating up the leftovers and serving them with boxed white cheddar mac and cheese (to which I added mozzarella and parmesan)--fattening, but delish (and hey, it was the weekend).

Last, but not least, I heard a country song talking about Jagermeister (the official drink of d-bags everywhere). Phil from Modern Family would probably be the level of upset I was when I heard it.

 

Snow Day, Spa Day! (DIY)

Last night, as most of you know, it was snow time in Tennessee. Getting home from work was an ordeal. Luckily, I am the queen of alternate routes and managed to skate through with much less time than it took a lot of my friends to commute. Win! Next win came when I woke up knowing that no one expected me to come into work today. I called and spoke with my manager, who was also stuck at home, and secured my four-day-weekend. I suppose I could have used today to just lay around, but instead I was bitten by the productivity bug (as per usual). I did allow myself to sleep in obnoxiously late, but then I got up and got busy! I decided to peruse Pinterest/search engines for DIY spa treatments that involved ingredients I already had at home. I ended up making/executing five of them and thought I might supply/review them for you!

I have never been to a spa, had a facial, had a pedicure, had a massage--but I felt pretty relaxed and pampered just doing these things at home, so why worry about things I may never afford? I'd like to offer you the same simple luxuries.

All you need for this is a large hole in your garden!

Don't actually dig a hole in your garden. haha. I did not experience the magic of mud today, but I did experience the magic of olive oil. All but two of the treatments I made today involved it in some capacity! I started with a hair mask, because it's got to stay in there for a little minute...

Restoring Hair Mask

• 2 Tablespoons Honey
• 1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
• 1 Tablespoon Apple Cider Vinegar 

What it is for: Damaged/dry hair. My hair is very coarse and tends to get split ends easily. I also had my hair dyed twice in the last three months because I'm trying to get back to blonde (If you're a natural blonde, I really don't recommend going dark...ever. haha). Bleach and hair stripper take their toll and my hair was feeling rough and looking frizzy.

Instructions: You can warm the honey in the microwave for a bit to help it blend better, but I didn't do that and it worked just fine. I just went ahead and mixed the mask in a pourable measuring cup to make it easier to put on my head! Anywho, stir up the ingredients, apply all of it all over your head, pin/pull your hair up, and leave it in for 30 minutes. I ended up having it in there for more like 45 because I was busy making/using the other treatments, but it didn't cause any problems to leave it in longer. Just jump in the shower and shampoo and condition normally when the time is up. But don't do that before you make the body scrub I'll also be including in this post!

Results: I will definitely use this recipe again. Not only does my hair feel much softer today, my natural curl really came out as it air-dried (instead of the blobby, uneven waves my hair likes to sport when damaged). If your hair is really rough/dry like mine, the key is to condition thoroughly after washing out the mask.

Works like a charm.

 I also applied Redken's Extreme Anti-Snap (a preferred product of mine, but not vital to achieving results with the mask) before brushing out my hair.

After applying the hair mask, I moved on to...

Dr. Oz's Teeth Whitening Treatment

• 1/4 Cup Baking Soda
• Juice from Half of a Lemon (about 1.5 Tablespoons)

What it is for: Whitening your teeth, duh! But seriously, it's like a WAY cheaper version of store-bought whiteners like strips and trays.

Instructions: Mix them up. Don't be freaked out when it initially gets a little fizzy. Using a cottonball, apply the mixture liberally to the teeth. Leave on for about a minute. Rinse, then brush teeth.

Results: My teeth were noticeably whiter right after I did it. I'll definitely do this once a week or so (if I can avoid my shameful laziness in the realm of self-care and beauty). It tasted a bit yucky, I'll admit. And Tom was a bit grossed out by me having the appearance of foaming at the mouth, so maybe lock the bathroom door when you do it. haha. Next time, I believe I will also try applying the mixture with Q-tips instead. It seems more practical. I also used lemon juice from concentrate, so I don't think it's a big deal if you don't have fresh lemons just randomly sitting at your house. Last but not least, you really don't need as much as the recipe makes for just yourself. Maybe for a shark's mouth, but not for yours. I'm going to try and cut it down to about a third of what I made today so as not to waste!

Thanks, Dr. Oz!

Next, I tried the so-called "at home facial"...

Exfoliating Facial

• 1 Packet Plain Oatmeal (people say that's about 1/2 Cup, uncooked)
• 1 Teaspoon Honey
• 1 Teaspoon Olive Oil

What it is for: Um, exfoliation? The oatmeal acts as an exfoliator, the olive oil as a moisturizer, and the honey has dual roles in cleansing and moisturizing. Yeah, did you know honey is antibacterial?

Instructions: Cook the oatmeal with minimal water. You don't want to eat a big bowl of it, you just want to form it to a paste-like consistency. Add in the honey and olive oil, mix well. Use as a scrub, then rinse.

Results: My face did feel nice after doing this, but the mixture was awkward and goopy. Maybe if you used less oatmeal, it would be better? Once again, there were leftovers. I don't know if they keep or not, because I didn't have a container for them and ended up throwing them out. I probably won't use this mask again. Too sticky and messy.

I felt like this kid.

Finally, I was ready to make the thing I was most excited about...

"Like Buttah" Body Scrub

• 1 Cup Raw Oats
• 1 Cup Brown Sugar
• 1 Cup Olive Oil

What it is for: Softening the skin through an artful combination of exfoliation and moisturizing.

Instructions: Mix the three ingredients well (preferably in a Mason jar or other reusable/storage container, because you'll probably have leftovers). Wash your body in the shower, then use this all over! Get a good scrub going, especially on your legs. If you want the extra perk of smoother legs, shave before applying the scrub.

Results: I love this scrub more than Linda Richman loves Barbara. And that's a lot. It made my skin feel so insanely soft. Earlier, Tom gave me a hug and was like woah! Now, I will caution you that you shouldn't do this if you're in some kind of hurry. You'll need to clean the oatmeal out of the bottom of the tub. But that's a fairly quick and easy task and the payoff is so absolutely worth it. It's like buttah! If you don't get that reference, first, rethink your life. Then, watch this: 

Coffee Talk Meets Barbara

Talk amongst yourselves.

I got out of the shower, dried off, brushed my hair, slathered on some cocoa butter lotion, and decided it was time to relax. Ooh, here's a tip for IN the shower, though. Light yourself a few scented candles and play some classical music or jazz! It totally ups the game and makes you feel fancy.

Before I get to my last treatment, you may ask: Why put on lotion if the body scrub already made your skin so soft? Well, I was watching a comedian not too long ago. He was white and was talking about a date he had with a black girl. She was, according to him, 'constantly putting on lotion.' When he asked her why, she stated that it was to avoid looking ashy. She then preceded to show him, by scraping her nails down his chalky arm, that white people are ashy, too. He said he had an epiphany about why black people age so much more gracefully. They're actually hydrating their skin all the time while we're burning ours up and letting it wither. haha. So, every day, I've been putting lotion all over. I've got to keep my skin youthful if I want to be a cougar someday!

Oh yeah, just like that.

Okay, the last thing is super easy and super relaxing.

Eye Rejuvenator

• 2 Green Tea Bags
• Water
• Mug/Teacup

What it is for: Calming eye puffiness/under-eye circles.

Instructions: Heat the water, obviously. Steep the two teabags. Once your tea has steeped, take the teabags out (letting them drip off a bit to avoid excess liquid going everywhere) and place them on your  [closed] eyes. Lay back and relax until they lose warmth.

Results: My eyes felt rested and bright! I also felt energized, because I of course drank the green tea. Add citrus juice to it for extra protection from free-radicals (to the tea, not your eyes--ouch). An excellent end to today's DIY spa treatments.

So there you go--spend an hour or so giving yourself a "spa day" and reap all the rewards a little relaxation and a lot of self-care will afford you.