The Great Dough Fiasco

Life is full of little disappointments--a recipe not working out, a misleading Pinterest pin--okay. I'm obviously not speaking in generalities. I've got two great disasters and maybe two useful tips to share. So, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my "weekend." I was so looking forward to trying out a few things on my Tuesaturday. The day began like any other day: with some laziness and some grand schemes. Well. Grand enough for a day spent in sweatpants, anyway.

We've all always been told about how not wearing sunscreen and using tanning beds can cause cancer. We've all seen those old ladies who look like orangey leather purses because their skin is all sunned out. Well, apparently, spray tans are bad for you too. So I thought I'd try out a DIY self-tanning method I found on Pinterest a while back.

Pictured above: The end to your tanning woes?

They say supermodels use this trick to keep their skin from being too pasty. I don't know if I believe it. Basically, take 4 teabags and some boiling water. Brew yourself some tea. Put it in a spray bottle. Spray it all over your body and rub it in. Make sure you're all showered up and clean first, obviously. I felt a little silly doing it, but it was fairly easy. Also, my sister said "I want to know, so do it and blog about it!" Even if she is family, it was nice to think of myself as some sort of DIY beauty guru that people listen to about things. It makes me feel fancy. To be honest, it only made my skin maybe a shade darker. I suppose I could have done a few more rounds. I bet that would have helped. But, alas, I was not feelin' it. I'm giving this treatment a C+. But that factors in my minimal effort to make it work.

I think the key to it might have been the second step: mixing a small amount of cocoa powder with lotion. I definitely added WAY too much. It ended up looking like chocolate pudding.

Don't do it, Bill! It'll tan your insides!

As I tried to rub it into my skin, stray powder clumps I thought I had mixed in began to create streaks. Again my laziness took over. I simply jumped in the shower to rinse off the mixture rather than perfect it. I was afraid I'd end up with legs that looked like chocolate candy canes. Nobody likes that. So, maybe I'll give it another shot one day. You should definitely check it out. When it wasn't streaking, I could tell it would [probably] work. Hey now, I'm no expert. I'm just a girl, like you all, trying to make it in this crazy world.

The only truly successful project of the day the fantastic homemade bronzer I now have in my makeup bag. I use bronzer every day. It can get expensive. It can also get annoying because they put it in packaging that tends to fall apart, scattering powder everywhere and ruining your adorbs little makeup bag. I now know I can make my own whenever I darn well please. It's also customizable. Let me explain. You only need 3 things:

2 T Cinnamon
3 tsp Corn Starch
1 Small Jar

Whisk the cinnamon and corn starch in a small bowl until all lumps are gone. If you want a darker shade, add more cinnamon (or even a pinch of cocoa powder if you like!). Pour into your jar. Voila. Homemade bronzer in like a minute. Glorious. Now, I will say that a few blogs said some people may have skin reactions with the cinnamon--I have not, and another "sensitive skin" blogger said she always uses it and has had no issues. I'm a carnivore, but for you vegetarians out there who worry extra about our furry little animal friends...

Awww.

You can always guarantee that homemade makeup is cruelty-free. Unless you're cruel. Then, I guess it's not. I kind of don't think this guy's homemade stuff is cruelty-free:

It definitely doesn't have that same sun-kissed effect, either.

Now for my true shenanigans. So, I found this pin on Pinterest. "Easiest Homemade Pizza Dough Ever!" they said. Only two ingredients! They said. Well. I'm here to tell you that they lied. You actually need THREE ingredients:

1 cup Greek Yogurt
1 cup Self-Rising Flour
2 cups KNOWLEDGE OF HOW THE HELL TO MAKE PIZZA DOUGH!

Yeah, they mixing was not so hard. Then came that part where it's supposed to be in a neat little ball where you can gently roll it out into a pizza shape. Instead, I ended up with dough stuck all over my hands and all over the board and all over the rolling pin. I put flour on everything. I don't understand. It was a big, sad mess. I asked Tom to try and come help. He said, "You know, you don't have to make it from scratch." So I pouted. A lot. And then realized he was right. I am apparently incapable of making pizza dough and that is something I've just got to learn to live with. Thankfully, we have a local pizza place nearby where he went and got fresh dough for only $2. Smart man, he is.

However, we even still had a bit of trouble with that--stretching it out and what-not. I have the highest respect now for pizza-makers. It's pure artistry.

This guy knows. That's why he's making that 'what, like it's hard?' face. Because it's HARD and he's obviously a badass.

So yeah, we ended up with some pretty ugly (yet delicious) calzones thanks to Tom's excellent sculpting skills. So what if his looked like a pepperoni-filled diaper? So what if mine looked like a puffy burrito? They were still excellent. All thanks to him. The moral of the story is: Be with somebody who's good at mopping up your mistakes. haha.

I recommend a couple of things. One, pair your pizza/calzones with this wine:

Perfect matchup.

And two, pair the meal with this movie:

Don't judge.

If you DO NOT have a Southern family and therefore cannot fully appreciate this movie, pair it with a nice thriller instead:

One of my faves.

Everyone loves Denzel. If he can't please your movie tastes, no one can. Also, be prepared to forever shudder when you hear The Rolling Stones' song "Time is on My Side." Just be prepared.